2.09.2010

Double Trouble

When & where I grew-up this stood for - Save Our Salmon


But for me personally it means life-crisis, as in Save Our Soul.
Yup, but no sympathy allowed.

Dictonary.com's definition of crisis is; a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
Yup - that's it. Mine however is a two-part affair.

I'm trying to stay chill but maybe I'm just 'trying'.

It's all about the game called life....no not the Milton Bradley version,
the dumbwit version. We all do it, some just play better than others.

First is a game called "Pin the Job on the Donkey", the dumbwit donkey.
You can see it my eyes.

In my household growing-up, the discussion of career options post-high school graduation were few. After it became obvious to my parents that my math scores were not up to snuff for being the architect that I had dreamed of being, I was guided to the next obvious choices;

nurse

secretary (without the bombshell title attached)

school teacher, preferably elementary level my folks would say.

or that walk down that long isle to wedlock

to run my own household (battleship).

Did I miss my calling as an artist?

or an undergarment model (thats right they didn't hire us 34 A's).


Loved the idea of design, but convenient store displays just weren't my thing.

or Vespa messenger in a big city perhaps?

No, not really an inventor either.

But what about the savvy Realtor I just worked hard to become you ask?

HALT...........

Yes I went into Real Estate when we didn't have to rely on the dumbwit income. Since marrying Scottish husband, we had moved (as you most know) 4 times, to 4 states, in a 6 year period. It was exciting, exasperating and adventurous; but ultimately took it's tole on my career. Since moving to Houston and applying for a dozen or two jobs, I decided to finally delve into selling real estate instead of buying it. The grass was green, vivid green. Fast forward to now spending more money than making at said 'career' and another child trotting off to college in the Fall, panic is setting in. Is it just me or does the job market change when your over 50? In three years, I've been called in for one (ONE) interview. I could of done that job with my hands-tied and blind-folded, standing on one leg, but no.

From the few friends I've managed to retain through these years,
I'm told "don't give up".
I'm just asking, have you ever felt like life is just passing you bye? Some day's it's barely worth putting one foot in front of the other.

Then came part-II of the game of 'Life'.
My husband's agent contacted him yesterday about a job in bonny Scotland. By the husbands Braveheart style battle cry, "it's my dream job", not to forget his entire family lives there and his dear mum is very ill.
I'm the first to confess, I've always wanted to live in Europe. At 14, I use to while-a-way the hours fantasizing of being the next "American in Paris". Dancing the cobbled streets with a younger Gene Kelly type.

the spouse

Unfortunately young people, with age comes the realization that not only is life passing you like a freight train, but you cannot be in multiple places at once. I hate to sound like a soap opera, but you really do have "One Life to Live".

home houston

So I ask you, what would you do? Do I sell our home (*gasp* - I've been a home owner since the age of 20), sell my new car (*gasp*) and leave my four adult children(*triple gasp*) and my newly widowed father behind to begin that fresh beginning in the far-away land of tartan and haggis? How important are material things? Does a person exist for their belongings? So I professed that I feel like life is passing me bye, so what's holding me back? I can go from 4200 sq. ft., 3 cars, 2 motorcycles to 900 sq. ft. and no cars, no motorcycles with the best of them, right? I can suck it up for adventure and excitement, right?

Aberdeen Scotland

Good Lord, please help...............

then it's back to the point in hand, still need a job; one that actually pays.

I could live down by the harbour
(apparently it's so cold near the North Sea that flats are cheap down at the wharf)

I could visit one castle after another
(Dunnottar castle is a mere 15 mi. away from Aberdeen)

that's dumbwit bonding with the sheep whilst trying to calm them down.
They spotted me wearing part of their own.


I ask YOU, my wise, cherished blog reading/blog writing friends; "What would you do" Kiss the husband good-bye as he boards the plane, and find your U.S. career, or live the life as an expat?


"Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye" - What's meant to happen will happen.

Fools look to tomorrow. Wise men use tonight.

Scottish Proverb

{go forth and live responsibly}
good lord don't do what I do


**I'd be finally able to meet gal pal Jacqueline of HOME, The dearest soul Duchess of Rose Tea Cottage, and perhaps the hawt Heavenly Housewife of From Donuts to Delirium. Lovely & talented Francine Gardner of Art deVivre on one of her visits to France, or the fine, fabulous author of Haute World;+ so many more!

photo & quote credits - wow4u.com; scotland-welcomes-you.com; hubpages.com; charlesphoenix.com; fettermans.org; totalfilm.com; starpulse.com; zache.com; hisspeed.ch; uk-pictures.com; britannica.com; old-picture.com; foundshit.com; ivta.co.uk; skooteringusa.com; pinkponytail.com; collectorsquest.com; peanutgallery.com.au;

35 comments:

BonjourRomance said...

Oh you do have lots of very difficult decisions to make, but one is easy - where ever you husband goes that's where you belong! I was in the family real estate business in U.S. since high school and then I met my honey in Paris, that explains why I'm now live here with said honey!


I do wish you good luck with everything, we'll all be here cheering you on whatever you decide.


P.S. I highly recommend the expat life!

Simply Mel said...

Go - don't look back! There are daily flights to and from Scotland to the states, so frequent visits are easy. You will always regret it if you don't try it...

A Perfect Gray said...

O my goodness. i feel infinitely UNqualified to weigh in with an opinion. here i sit daily wishing for just such an opportunity. yet now i can clearly feel your dilemma. how long have you been dealing with this question? My instinct is, from your writing, you have all the tools you need inside to answer this question. just take some time and breathe, babe. you can do it

Averill said...

What a tough choice, Deb! I've often said how much I'd love to live in the UK, but I'm not sure if I could ever actually take the plunge and follow Dave should his career take us there (which is not out of the question as half his group is in Cambridge England).

And I know it would be hard to leave the kids and your dad behind. But your kids are (nearly) grown and will visit and Scotland may not be forever (though it may be hard to get the hubby to move back across the pond I'd imagine...).

Goodness...my thoughts are with you, sending you good vibes and peace.

Queen "B" said...

Aloha, I just posted about my life change to Hawaii, maybe it will help?
I believe that you must be true to yourself first,otherwise nothing will seem worth it...Faith,Hope and charity is always 3 really good things to seek....be of good courage and study it out in your mind...you will know the answer...prAyer always helps me?
Aloha wishes for a great decision
Brandi

Haute World said...

Ooh, that's a toughie. I'd probably go, but then again, I don't have children, a car or a motorbike! (can't the latter be shipped though?). I don't think the job situation is any better or worse than where you are now, so you'd probably have the same chances with a job. But yay, we could meet! ;-) In fact, I'm going to Scotland this weekend, but not as far up as Aberdeen. My husband's job is the reason we moved the last two times and the first times was because of my job. It's really not an easy decision.. I guess it's just a matter of weighing the option of what's holding you back vs. what new opportunities you could seize in Europe (I will say though, that you'll get to travel to a lot more countries if you're in the UK!).

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

Doesn't sound like you have much to lose that a quick flight home can't fix.......and you know those darm kids are going to live their own life anyways. From what i see you are an adverturer, so in my humble opinion, I think you should go have a most wonderful adventure and see the world in a new way. Why not?

Francine Gardner said...

The tricks that life plays on us. In my younger days, I would not have hesitated a second and moved on to a new country, new adventure...I have done that a few times.
Now, I so understand and relate to your dilemma. Actually, my husband really wanted to move to either Thailand or France, but I could not as I had my business here and my kids loved their life in Connecticut. Now both my kids are in College, and the subject came up again and I am torn...my parents are in France and being an only child, there is no one else to help them, my kids are here, I just venture into expanding into a new showroom and signed for 10 years......would my husband ask me to leave everything behind.....I would be torn.
However, having gone through all the pains of loosing your mom, a change might be what you need to reset your life in gear....just make sure that you always have a flight ticket handy for these grey days when you really miss your kids... as for the house, the car, the bike...it is just stuff. You could turn the adventure into a life changing experience. I have never been to Scotland and understand it is absolutely beautiful and would love to read your stories about life in Scotland...who knows, by then I might have found a small house in Provence where you could come and warm up from the Scottish winters....I guess I did not help much..Francine

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

Oh, you are asking the wrong person. Or, maybe the right one. I'd go to Scotland in a heartbeat. No kidding. It is, hands down, my favourite place on earth. The only place I have ever felt that sort of soul connection with, despite the fact that I grew up and remain here in the southern US. It is truly a magical place. So, I would vote GO!

Jacqueline said...

My dear, Deb,
I would never in a million years give you an opinion on what to do. Only you and lovely Scottish husband can make that oh, so important decision. You must weigh up the pro's and con's, consider your children and your father but, of course, there is your mother-in-law to think about as well.
It must be sooooo hard for you and I don't envy you.
Sorry that I don't have an answer for you.
All I know is that something will happen to make you decide and you will choose and it will be the right choice, whichever one you make.
I hope that the decision will not be too dificult to make and that you can start a new journey very soon.
Lots of love and luck, Deb. XXXX

Toad said...

and himself just getting Americanized. Good luck with this one.

James said...

I have to say Jacqueline has said it best.I join her and the others in wishing you luck.

cjsullivan133 said...

My husband is English and I always ask when we can move there. I love the British Isles. It does get cold. Very cold. If that is your house- it is really beautiful . Rent it, and go with your husband! I love the first question you posed! The job market changes for certain when you are over 50. I think finding a job at our age isn't as difficult as we think. It's that we are so experienced that we over qualify many times. Today's market in many a business likes young people for they are easy to mold into a specific mind set. But more often than not, especially in real-estate- age is good experience! P.S. You better learn how to golf!

Dumbwit Tellher said...

Cjsullivan133 - thanks for your thoughts on job hunting at 50. It's been very demoralizing \ :

To All; I knew I'd get incredible advice from you all. Each & everyone of you made helpful valid points. Thank you. We will see were the journey takes me or not?! xx

Renee Finberg said...

after long consideration......i say;
"GO GO GO girl."
do it. just go.
i would do anything to leave and live there, or paris, or anywhere but here (as long as it has mountains and an ocean).

you will see your loved ones again and again.
that's what planes are for.

i really think it would be wonderful.
love xx

Jane said...

hi there - isn't that amazing and fateful that just as you felt things were going no where something happened which may propel you somewhere.

I couldn't ever give you advice because its your decision to make but I will say this - Scotland is amazing I love it to death. If your children are grown then the obligation to stay in the same country is reduced, I think. Motorcycles can be shipped. Husbands should be stayed with.

Thats what I think.

As they say, better to have tried than died wondering.

xoxo

SPLENDEROSA said...

Deb...you are NOT a dumbwit. GO! What's the worse that can happen, your father comes to visit, so do your kids; you can come home to visit anytime. I'm sending you an email with more insightful thoughts. Warner would tell you the same thing, go with your husband. No questions about it. Love you, M.

Kitty said...

Do it! It sounds like a marvelous adventure and you would be very exotic there! Just don't stop bloggin' cause I would miss you terribly! xo kitty

Ms. B @ Millie Deel said...

Gosh, I have to say that is a tough decision making spot to be in. I guess if it were me, I'd follow the hubs as well, and I can say that even though I'm only in my 20s, that's exactly what I've done. I came the town I'm living in now for college, to get my piece of paper and get the heck out of dodge but that didn't happen. In the process of coming here, I met my now hubby who also stayed here after graduation for his career which if he hadn't of stayed, we wouldn't have met. But to make a long story short, pharmaceutical jobs will always make more than fashion jobs, so my career has taken a back burner. But even so, he's doing well and he's happy in his job and I wouldn't want to take that away from him by being selfish and pursuing my own career, gosh there's so many different facets to the whole, marriage/job/location thing isn't there? And man did I just ramble on unnecessarily!!

Just look within and do what is right for you both even with considering all sacrifices.

FatScribe said...

DT -- those who are much wiser than I have spoken sage-like advice to you in saying they wouldn't dare tell you what to do. But, everything in my body tells me "Ha!"

I say GO! If you need a boundary or time-limit, give Mr. Braveheart (with nary a stitch of underwear under that kilt) a date far enough out into the future and say "X marks the spot my wee bonnie lad. Here's where we either stay or head back to the states, you lovely recently Americanized Scott. Now kiss me before I lose the leftover haggis I ate for lunch."

That may be more than you wanted to hear, but you're the cat's pajamas, DT. You'll do great things, I have no doubt. Do you know how many jealous folks are reading your blog right now?! -- Jg.

Inspiration in Italy said...

Ohhhhhh my heart leapt as I read this...so very close to my heart! I so agree with BonjourRomance, where your husband is...that is where you belong. Also I can tell you through my very young and naive eyes that taking the leap, taking the risk, and a "WHY NOT" attitude is my answer. Of course like I said, I am young and naive. We sold our car, sold our dog, gave up our careers (but we did not like our careers) and yet we had not firmly planted our roots anywhere. We had not bought a house, we had no kids...and it was still difficult so I know that this is a decision to struggle over. Eric and I have made the decision, and taken our vows under God, that we are in this life together wherever it may take us.

I know this must be so difficult for you though, wow. I'm not sure if anything I have said made sense....but lately I am of the opinion to fly. My motto lately has been the quote in my previous post: http://capturingitaly.blogspot.com/2009/12/sunshine-for-your-december.html .

Much love and much luck with your difficult decision my friend!
xoxoxoxo
Rachel

mise said...

Oh you have a Scottish husband just like me! That's quite a dilemma. I reckon that when presented with choices, one should often go for the one involving the greater change, but not too foolhardily. Is it possible for you to give Scotland a try for 6 months - rent your house out instead of selling it and rent a place to live there?

Iva said...

oh gosh. hmmm. I think its always great to at least try things. You'll never look back and wonder "what if..." ;)

LENORENEVERMORE said...

Such a creative post Deb!
me too, I wanted to be a teacher at one point...either that or a supermodel!!!
whahhh~
xo

Barbara said...

So many things went through my mind. First (and most important) thing was: do you love and adore your husband? Then go.
Second thing: housing market sucks; bad time to sell your home. Can you rent it?
Third: your precious belongings. Storage, my dear, storage.
Fourth thing was your children: they would tell you to go...and would love visiting. It's only a plane ride away, after all.

My daughter lived in Paris for 7 years in the 80's. I visited but basically she went over knowing nobody but she did speak French. She loved it and while she lives in NYC and owns her own business now, she would move back there in a flash if she was offered a great opportunity.
Difficult decisions, Deb, but you are a smart cookie and will make the right decision for everyone.

goodniteirene said...

darling deb, go!! go!! go!!! i'll come help you pack up boxes!! what a ride it will be!! bring daddy over for a bit....just the thing he might need now. just the thing you need now. fresh new air, fresh new faces, scents and tastes!! tallyho!!! (i know that's english...work with me here).
love,
katie

Emily+Anthony said...

Deb! You are so brave! Very tough, big decisions ahead. Not being in your shoes, it's easy for us all to say GO FOR IT because it's such an incredible opportunity, but there is a lot to consider. However, if you decide to become an expat, I can guarantee you this: Katers and I will be on a plane headed for Scotland once you're all settled in! Family is only a plane ride away...

Cashon&Co said...

number one question: does Scotland have less humidity, less traffic, and better zoning? hahahah If you answered yes to 2 of those, move! But,, then again, does Scotland have Tex-Mex/tamales, Robert Earl Keen, and Neiman Marcus? If you answered no to 2 of these, stay, stay in TEXAS! ☺
Actually, I'm kind of envious of your predicament. My husband & I, who have 2 elem.aged boys, toyed with the idea of moving to Ireland, but then we realized it wouldn't work for us right now at this time in our lives....In fact, the hubby is in Houston right now and missing all the snow /blizzard here in Dallas.

The Cottage Cheese said...

Oh wow, Deb! You have a lot of tough choices to make. I would imagine that while it would be scary to sell so many of your things and give up your home, it would also be freeing. And to live abroad, how dreamy. However, the question would be whether or not you can live so far from your family. It sounds like you need to talk to each and every one of them and see how they feel. Ask for their complete honesty.

Am I misunderstanding what I read, or is your husband definitely going to take the job in Scotland? If so and you stay, are you ready for that separation? Gosh Deb, while I don't envy your difficult decision, I do think you have a really great opportunity here. Perhaps it's easier for me to say this because I don't have kids, but I would give Europe a shot if I were in your position. Worst case scenario, you move back to the states and to a new home. I know that wouldn't be easy, but if you pass up the opportunity and your husband goes without you, are you always going to be wondering what you were missing out on? Good luck making your decision. My thoughts are with you Deb! XOXO - Marsi

The Cottage Cheese said...

P.S. As usual, you are dealing with difficult major life events with humor and grace. You are such a special person Deb!

AJ said...

Deb, I think that this decision may be a little daunting for you right now because you are feeling vulnerable and emotional around your Dear Mother's passing, quite understandably so. I cannot give you advice from the perspective of a mother because I do not have children but I can share some of my experiences as a professional moving locations for a variety of reasons. Like you, I have lived in many places, born in Poland, grew up in Nigeria, finally my parents settled in Canada. As an adult, I lived for years in big-city Toronto and practiced law as a partner in a city firm. Then I fell madly in love, sold my Toronto house in a matter of six months and moved into the country with a man I truly barely knew at the time (only 6 months). Those were heady times and somewhat scary but I remember my Mother, always a worry-wart, very calm through all this - she said: trust your gut, AJ, you always have and it's never failed you...she was right! I left my partership and now practice on my own, deliriously happy. All my clients came with me and I have lots of work. Professionally, it all worked out.
Advice is super, it really is, it gives us perspective, it shows us the situation from other points of view but the bottom line is: your gut! I say, let out your proverbial ponytail, let the wind hit your face, look your kids in the eye, breathe in and open yourself up to the possibility of an incredible adventure (from which we, your followers, would no doubt benefit tremendously) - if your gut feels right, not upset, not trembling - go for it! This will be an adjustment for your Scottish husband as well, whether he admits it or not, and he will love having you right there, by his side...your kids are grown, they will be more than ok....also ask yourself- what would your Mom have said about all this? ox

Sarah - La Jeune Marie said...

GO! I have been away from my husband for a mere two months now while he was transfered to California and it has sucked major ass (to be frank...) Your kids are grown you have nothing to lose! Just go for it!

XOXO,
S

Kat said...

scotland must be wonderful, i'd love to visit it sometime!

Sarah - La Jeune Marie said...

To answer your question on my blog - I am joining my hubby in Newport on the 26th of this month. A transition from Texas will not be quite as dramatic as yours across the ocean, but I still vote you go! Cheers!

XOXO,
S

Dobbygirl said...

Oh Deb,this is a hard one. My hubby and I spent a year apart (well I went to GA every other weekend) due to jobs - I was in NYC and he was in Augusta, GA. It was hard and I don't recommend. If I had to do over again, I would have moved with my honey. I say you go for it and give Scotland a go. You can fly home to see the family. It will be hard, this I know, but nothing is forever either way. At least you gave it a go. You all may move right on back in a couple of years, or stay, who's to say? Either way, keep on blogging and Facebooking and I'll be happy :o) You are a dear and this will all work out exactly the way it should. Love and hugs!!!