11.04.2013

Dear World

Dear World, 

Do you see me as I am? I'm the little girl who had big dreams - living in Europe (check), being married (check x2) and raising a family (check x4). I'm the woman who worked hard all her adult life. I gave birth to four babies and experienced a miscarriage. For 30 of those years raising children, I worked full-time for the majority of them; remember me? I'm the one who cried and worried myself sick that I wouldn't be able figure out ways to keep them all in University and witness them grab that diploma as they walked the stage.


It's me world who while the children slept, would begin DYI projects in hopes the paint was dry by morning. You need a clown costume, no problem. A trip to House of Fabrics, McCalls pattern 4217 and bring in the clowns. Excuse me world, do you remember son no. 1 when struck with an illness that left him for weeks unable to hold-up his head or walk? Did you forget the 3 out of 4 who had tonsillectomies, and one with the emergency appendectomy?  If that wasn't enough, son #1 fell into the corner of a 4 ft. book case and ripped open a hole between his inner lip and his nasal passage. Son #2 had to beat that with breaking off his front tooth at University with the nerve left dangling. How soon you forget as I didn't even mention the broken bones. One doesn't want to appear too needy. 

But surely world you noticed when I ended a toxic marriage of 22 years. You must have taken note when I packed up my 5, 10, 12, and 16 year old's and we left our family home, the home we loved. With $500.00 in child support each month we had to make it work and we did. We grew strong and happy. Did you notice world that I'm still judged today for what others don't have a clue about. Did you even see that my world became dark and sad and there was finally light?

World you must of smiled when knowing I found an honorable, kind, stable man; a Scotsman. If anything you likely inhaled as you wondered, 'what was he thinking?'


Did you take note of the career I've had; the times I've started over and the many places we've lived? Each new desitnation starting from scratch; re-winding really. Trying with all my might to fit-in and helping my family to adjust. Praying to God we made friends. There were hopes my colleagues saw me as more than my current job title and I'd win their respect. Did you remember world that we moved 5 times in a 12 year span and this last move was a doozy?

I'm the one at age 50 passed my motorcycle course in front of twenty three twenty-somethings. The majority in your world didn't understand why, but for once I knew that didn't matter. Life gets in the way and it's prevented me from important moments that I know I'll never get back. Meeting my first born grandchild as a wee baby or spending special moments with the ones you love. This is when I think my world is stuck on repeat and it'd be nice for a break. 


And now world, I know you no longer see me as the woman full of hopes; the little girl with white blonde braids holding a fishing pole or riding her baby blue second-hand Schwinn. I am no longer a mother of children, let alone four. I am not valued for raising them to adulthood as good people. My accomplishments in the working world and how I have influenced others are blurred. You see me through glasses that are scratched and clouded; you view only my age, the lines in my face, and the eyes that don't sparkle as they once did. You roll your eyes when I ask you to repeat what I can't hear. You don't see me as the 16 year old who loved Steely Dan, the Guess Who, and Joni Mitchell and who obviously listened to rock too loudly. I was that kid who grew-up in a High School band room filled with music. You only know me as the person without perfect hearing today. 


World you no longer recognize me as a daughter, nor feel the pain I carry since my mom died. You only see what you take in today as though I've been this age for my lifetime. I feel myself slipping away, almost invisible

With youth comes inexperience, naivety & in some cases, excessive self-importance; the inability to see that the world does not slow down for any one of us. World, you catch up to us all and although you have favourites, you leave no one behind. I am so much more than the person you see now. I wish these words would clear your vision but I know when I wake-up tomorrow, I'll be viewed as I am for today. 

video

So world you are on notice. Look into my eyes as this is how I want you to see ME!
( and no jokes about the way I run!)

I'm not 'done and dusted' yet.

Go forth and live responsibly
{see people... really see them}

Thank you x


79 comments:

Mosaicology Blog said...

How beautiful. Very few people will recognise you for what you have done and what kind of person you have been. Who needs those crowds anyway? They are boring! xo,Magda

MK said...

What a lovely and inspirational post!

My Dog-Eared Pages said...

I can't wait to give you a hug someday for everything that you are. Beautiful writing from a beautiful girl Timely, inspirational, and brilliant! ox

James said...

All I can think to say is...Wow.

Jessica Gordon Ryan said...

Beautiful!
And very inspirational!

Lisa @ The Lisa Porter Collection said...

Deb,
Here you are, so very REAL!
I'm so glad that you've not
lost your voice!
You know, to be REAL,
you have to be a lover
of REAL life with all it's complexity and uncertainty.
It's what makes you
so very authentic.
We love that about you!
You can be authentic
and still have doubts.
Doubts are only gaps.
Gaps are places of
uncertainty. Gaps are
also what makes faith
possible! Having faith means
(even through gritted teeth)letting go which opens
the door to grace.
When life seems like
a one woman battleground,
it is grace that protects.
She fills empty spaces and
often surprises, allowing
you to glide through a
moment without a struggle.
So, my dear Duchess ~
Be real, be authentic, keep the faith, and always remember
to have grace.
We love you!
Lisa

My Notting Hill said...

I was so worried as I read your post until I clicked on the youtube video. YES!!! I see you.

I was at the ob/gyn's office the other day and happened to be mostly surrounded by young pregnant women. i was happy for them but I didn't envy them. I've had that piece of cake, time for somthing different.
Whenever I feel the the reality of aging I like to look at images of Margaret Mead holding her staff. If I am lucky enough to live to be elderly I plan on using one of those. To me her choice of a staff instead of a cane was so meaningful. In the end, if people don't see us it is their loss as long as we still see ourselves.

Julie Downes said...

I was thinking...I have known you for over 30 years. My vision of you has been one of a woman who is beautiful, kind and caring. One who never let adversity cripple you. You didn't fear failure or struggles. Your faith and strength showed others an admirable courage. Your love for your family and friends never failed. I appreciate and value you my friend for all the times you lifted my spirits. Thank you ♥

donna baker said...

You and I are much the same, even though our lives are very different. I remember going back to school, a much older lady than the students chattering around me. Humanities classes were the most interesting ones I had ever attended. The professor would stand at her podium and stare down the flippant youth until they quieted; on the few occasions they didn't, she would castigate them in front of the class. Learning/curiosity keeps me going. Good if no one sees me anymore; I taking it all in. They'll catch up one day.

DolceDreams said...

Deb,
What a wonderful and incredible post. You leave me speechless, but all I can say is that I have always known that you are an amazing woman. And I hear you :) Keep on doing what you are doing, because you are in focus and in tune!
xo,
Nathalie

Anonymous said...

Amen to all that!

Jeanne Henriques said...

Deb...I ALWAYS get excited when I see a post from Dumbwit...I ALWAYS wish there were more but am ALWAYS happy for what you can give. On this occasion Deb, you have opened the flood gates. I just love this post for the honesty that rides through each sentence. Revealing and brave...I learned so much more about you and am delighted to learn more about you. Attach SUPERWOMAN to that title...I can feel the twinkle in your eyes and widening of a smile as you reached for those leaves. Well done Deb...I ALWAYS love reading your words and only wish you would write more. You have a wonderful writing voice.

From one mother of four to another...congratualtions, you did it all...with so much more ahead of you. Done and dusted? I have a feeling you have just begun... :) xx

Karena Albert said...

Deb you are wonderful to put such feeling in your words!Thank you!

I look in the mirror ans often have forgotten the girl who climbed trees, loved to swing, was a tomboy! Now I am also the woman the experiences that only time can give!

xoxo
Karena
The Arts by Karena

Blog Author(s) said...

Whoa.

Namaste.

A Perfect Gray said...

beautiful. thank you.

donna

Marsha Splenderosa said...

This part of our world sees you as you are because this part of the world is exactly the same. This is one of the most brilliant posts I've ever read, anywhere! This is the reason I love you, Deb, cause YOU are real.

vicki archer said...

I hear you and I see you... shall I repeat... ;) ;) HEAR and SEE...
What an amazing article and truth you have written... Bravo you are truly wonderful Deb... xv

Bronwyn Johnson said...

Your post made me cry. But what you say is so true, society does make us fade away, we are bright and sparkling as we were at 19, or25 or30. Our inteligence and intellect is still there, but that isnt beautiful enough
But other women see you, we are all part of a special club, we know our history, it is written in the lines of our faces, our happiness in our smile lines (the very same lines the young women are botoxing away)Women are like fine wine, we get better as we age.
A wonderful and insightful post to start my day, thankyou

helen tilston said...

Hello Deb

Having read this post I have tremendous respect for you and all ofyour accomplishments, all performed with passion and determination.
What a role model you are for your children and all who encounter you.
I feel, like Jeanne H, that you have just begun.

Keep smiling and bringing joy to all you meet. You are beautiful!!

Helen xx

LPC said...

Thank you.

Francine Gardner said...

Dear Deb.
from my very first months blogging, i would everyday look at my screen hopping to catch up some words from you. I instantly felt a connection with you, felt your pain when you lost your mom, worried about you and was thrilled when you moved to Scotland for a new chapter in your life. You have such a rich, filled life of joy, pain, fear, excitement, I think it might be time to take pen and paper and through your beautiful prose, share this life. I love to read about the lives of daring women, look at Leni Reifenstahl (hated by most) she lived in the bush and learned how to scuba dive at 90!

Elizabeth@ Pine Cones and Acorns said...

Deb,

I feel as many of the above, you were one of the first blogs that I found and I always left touched by your words, your truth, your knowledge.

I always say that people never really know another person, behind every smile is pain, or heartache and of course happiness and love. Everyone of us tells a story and so often we are judged not by our whole story but by the visible pages the other person sees at that time.

Although I have never met you I feel from following your blog that we could be friends. Your kindness, zest for life, intellegence, love for family and friends shines through in each post and it is so refeshing to see such honest and real posts.

You are so much more than the sum of your past accomplishments and I for one am looking forward to seeing where you are headed!

TAke care, a big hug to you!
Elizabeth

LiveLikeYou said...

What a beautiful meaningful well written post - it almost brought me to tears. The youth obsessed world we live in today often forgets the most interesting people living in this world have life experience. I don't like to see the numbers stack up every year (birthday last week) but I do love the wisdom they give me and woman I've become because of them. can't wait to see what tricks you are up to next! Best of luck!

A Well Styled Life said...

Beautiful! Just beautiful and inspiring. Thank you.

Mise said...

Many respects to you, Deb, and to all your former selves and bright future selves. You couldn't be an accumulation through time of nicer people.

Grampa Foglesong said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grampa Foglesong said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Foglesong said...

Gave me chills and almost made me cry. What a beautiful post. Life is all of that and we have learned so much.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Brilliant post, absolutely brilliant. Anita

DREAMS ON 34th STREET ~ French Bread & Family said...

Yes! The band room was the best place to listen to rock. "Days of Future Passed"...The Moody Blues! LOUD!
This is my first visit! I will visit again and again!
This is a beautiful and brilliant post, I am pleased to meet you, Deb!
w/L

Bonnie said...

I found you via Elizabeth's post at Pinecones and Acorns. You put into words how I have felt recently. Beautifully stated. Bonnie

La Petite Gallery said...

I have been missing you, hope all is going fine. Come visit sometime. yvonne

La Contessa said...

YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION!
I am HERE TO STAY!

jual jaket kulit said...

beutiful for share this article and enjoy read for me thanks...

kimberly said...

As another mama of four who is just a bit behind you I am grateful that you shared your heart. You have given me something to consider going forward- what matters to me and how much I value what the world thinks. So thank you~
x50

Jg. for FatScribe said...

even though we've never met in-person, Ms. Deb, i see you, my friend (you are seen by me) ... and i love what you wrote and and am so inspired by what you were, are and have yet to become.

you are an amazing woman, mother, wife, grand mere extraordinaire, and a dear friend. my eyes welled with tears reading this wonderful piece. i could imagine so many women feeling as you do, but doubt many could express so wonderfully your sentiments.

keep writing, my motorcycle-riding friend. keep inspiring your brood with hope, because you do it so well, and because, well, you inspire me if nothing else (and gawd knows i can use it!). nothing says success like the fighter who doesn't let the niggling cuts from life's sucker punches put her arse on the canvas permanent-like. you are a that fighter, Deb. you're that artist, and that wordsmith. can't wait to see what 2014 will be like for your clan in Scotland and for the others still in the states. (speaking of your old stomping grounds, i'm in bellevue tomorrow.)

blessings. Jg.

Gina Howie said...

Truly enjoyed this post. Absolutely brilliant. As I navigate my expat move (one year into it) and all the big changes in life that are occurring {when did my children grow up?} I completely appreciate and feel many of the thoughts and feelings you are going through. It is comforting and inspiring to read your sentiments and realize that all we truly want is to be seen. Thank you for your wisdom ~ I will carry it with me. Such a gift.

Barbara said...

Wonderful post, Deb. And so true. When my daughter reached the age of 55 yesterday, I figured I am now considered a geezer. But not inside. No, inside I am still 29. It would be nice if everyone else could see that too, but I doubt all but our closet friends do.

La Petite Gallery said...

Debbie, Just a note to tell you every day the sun rises, and we are
going to experience another day,
some are tougher than others.
Remember you are Like fine wine - better with age. Big hug to a beautiful Lady with tenacity..
yvonne

La Petite Gallery said...

Deb,
Check this feel good
commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0

linda said...

Wow that was beautiful.
-linda,ny

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

Tears are coursing down my cheeks. I too left a horrible, abusive marriage and married a member of clan Gunn. I sit in a French class twice a week where all the students are my daughters age. This past week we learned my husband has lost his job. But in the immortal words of Fred Astaire "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again." Someone, something, somewhere surely needs us both. :) But also please know how much your post and FB offerings truly enhance my life. :)Thank you ever so much.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Dearest Deb,

I am so thrilled to see you today on my comments page! It is an honor and a great compliment from you to ask about how "I do it"...I think you know, since it is obvious that you have the feel for the pen, the ability to create so beautifully a prose poem. Life is busy, but we make time to write when we can, and that is what brings me joy in the half of my life.

I wish you the best and a wonderful holiday season! COME AGAIN! Anita

Jennifer Durham said...

Wow, just wow. It's all I can think to say! Such a powerful post. I think I adore you more than I did before (if that's even possible)! xoxo

Things That Inspire said...

I agree with all of the above - WOW. This is an amazing piece of writing, an insightful perspective on a life lived through the ups and downs. I know you mainly through your amazing Instagram photos, and now I appreciate them and you so much more.

- Holly

labibliotecaria said...

i don't know how i found you, but you have earned my respect. and you've reminded me to thank my mom and dad for all the stuff i never appreciated before. be blessed.

Nib's End said...

"We may become invisible, but we are not nonexistent."

Within this cocoon of invisibility that age often lends, we can remake ourselves and emerge with wings we never knew we had.

24 Corners said...

Deb, you've touched my heart and a nerve with this wonderful post...the nerve being the undeniable truth in what you wrote. We need to 'see' people...and to do that, we must get to know them, not assume who they are, but find out who they are. That's why I love this medium so much, we get to peak into each others hearts and by doing so, get to 'see' each other, it's really quite a blessing. I sometimes feel that those who've read my blog see me better than some who are closest to me.
I'm so thankful for you Deb...the you of yore and the you of now!!!
Big hugs...and thanks for another dose of Vita-D! ;)
XOXO

Purple Flowers said...

Hi and WOW! You spoke volumes for women around the world. You are beautiful, poetic and sensitive to the art of life. My name is Kathleen. While reading your post, I cried because I have at times felt the pain of judgment from the world. It is a tough nut to swallow, and my throat hurts. Yet, there is something inside of me...possibly a connection to my Grandmother who said "do not be ashamed, be proud."
Thank you for this beautiful post. I will be visiting you again.

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Renae Moore said...

My precious Deb, sweet friend and peer. What a beautiful account of life. Your heart is as beautiful as your outside. I relate so to what you breathed. We never know the road one has traveled. Blessings to you sweet sweet friend. I do intend to visit one day. I hope too you are able to hold and love on your wee grandchild.
xoxo

La Petite Gallery said...

Debbie, my last 2 weeks have been a whirl wind. i will get back next week, Sending Wishes for a warm winter, yvonne
OK I I will try again
with this frickin code.
PS never buy a DELL Computer

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Kathleen said...

None of us are one dimensional. Is it odd for me to say I don't even care how the world sees me? I only care about what my husband, children and grandchildren think. That's my legacy.

Sai Mallick said...

I was very encouraged to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this special read. I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have bookmarked you to check out new stuff you post.

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La Petite Gallery said...

HEY DEBBIE, Merry Christmas, a little late, I have computer up , how long ,who knows it's
an aweful DELL. Sending love and best wishes for a wonderful New Year. Can you believe 2014
wonder what is coming down the pike this year. Love yvonne

Acanthus and Acorn said...

Dear Deb,
It is a rainy morning and I am unable to sleep, and now so very grateful! It's been much too long since I visited here as I've barely blogged this year for many reasons. But when I read something so heartfelt, honest and relatable it makes me sad for words I may have missed and learned from. To all the 50 something women are are often invisible, you have illuminated them with this.
xo,~Rebecca

La Petite Gallery said...

Sending a big HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!
Hope you are well and happy.
Thinking of you Debbie, here's a long distance hug. Maine is getting a big snow storm, Renee is home today so we will play cards by the fireplace. yvonne

ip camera said...


I was very encouraged to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this special read. I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have bookmarked you to check out new stuff you post.


ipcamer

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NotesFromAbroad said...

Oh I see you :)
None of us are the same girls we used to be. Or even the same women. Sometimes it is gradual, sometimes it happens shockingly fast and sometimes you just wake up and realize, I am different. I am older but as corny as it sounds, I am better. And there is only more better to come :) ( mo betta ) ... Keep playing in the leaves,
C

Margaret said...

This post is very inspirational!
I will be visiting you again!
Have a nice day!
Margaret.
http://www.decordesireforbeauty.com/bloginspiration.html

Nancy {at} powellbrower at home said...

This speaks to all of us and all we have accomplished, especially as moms. I'm 60 and motherhood is no longer my first priority...the rest of my life is. I wish you well and that your whole world from here on sees you just as you are, a beautiful strong woman. Go forth! xo Nancy

Anonymous said...

Hello,
I only now arrived here courtesy of "Reggie Darling" where your fine blog made his blog list.

Because he has such impeccable taste, I took a chance and clicked. I am so happy I did.

You are an inspiration to me: for taking so many chances, for your energy, for following your heart, for pushing away toxic influences.

Due to 27 years of chronic illness and mountains of debt, I am trapped; thank you for giving me a breath of fresh air in the isolation of my tiny life.

Though I am surrounded by original art, live in a beautiful historic neighborhood within a few miles from the sea and slumber enveloped in high-thread count monogrammed sheets, I have been abandoned by many friends who saw their own mortality in my seven bouts with cancer.

Now at fifty-five, having been recently pronounced in the best health I have ever been in, I find myself sadly quite alone with only stacks of books and my iPhone and iPad to connect me to the world. I have lost the use of my left hand thorough too many surgeries. There is no feeling in the fingers of my left hand. I cannot feel the keys on the keyboard. Due to my permanent tracheostomy, Siri misunderstands my commands. She always thinks I'm using the f-bomb. Answering devices of major corporations never understand what I'm asking for which is quite frustrating. My husband of 30 years who is seven years older left our marital bed years ago yet I've never looked better. I get asked for my phone number often. I'm not interested in sex. I want intimacy. It seems to come in short supply. I live in an area which is very wealthy and much is based on appearances and pretension. I am so tired of the game although I have played it my entire life.

Thank you for the courage it takes to write about yourself and share it with the world through a blog. I have similar aspirations, but I find the technical aspects daunting due to my physical challenges.

I'm delighted to find your Voice among the digital wilderness. I look forward to hearing more. Thank you for the opportunity to open another window in my bungalow. May all your dreams come true. And if they do not, may you be able to make peace with that through acceptance.

tozca leather said...

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La Petite Gallery said...

Hey Debbie, haven't heard from you in a while. Hope this comment finds you happy and in good health. Is it very cold there? Maine is getting another Polar blast. We has 4 days in the 40's it was like a Summer day. Renee is at the ski lift every chance she gets. She has her new
ski's Big hug yvonne

La Petite Gallery said...

Hey Deb, Happy St. Pats Day, we are getting MORE SNOW #@*&%#@!+*&**#@

La Petite Gallery said...

Hello, Deb, hope you are OK. Long time now, are you still blogging??

yvonne

NotesFromAbroad said...

I miss you ! Where are you ?
We want to See You !! :)
besos, Candice

Patricia Gray said...

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Kindest Regards
Patricia

La Petite Gallery said...

Wishing you a Happy Easter Kiddo..
yvonne

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La Petite Gallery said...

Deb, please make a new post, so many people love you. yvonne

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Tressa Westerhold said...

I have been MIA as well.. going through many changes of my own.. and was so inspired by this post.. I hope you will come back and post again.. <3

La Petite Gallery said...

Well, I'll be raking leaves in a few weeks. Hope you are doing well, miss ya.
yvonne

Coty Farquhar said...

How do I type ""one very big sigh"? Hhhhooooooo
Deb, This is how I feel after reading this, this post is wonderful!
This is such a joy filled post, filled with so much love and can I say it again…joy!!!
You are where you are, because of who you are and what you have done in your life. Forget all the yuck! and the bad times, you made it through!

This post makes me feel wonderful! I love it!!!
I so know where you are and what you have gone through.
Our future is filled with ""what ever"" we want to make it. Don't you thinK? Sending love to you…Go Girl!!
xxx Coty

La Petite Gallery said...

Renee and David are in NYC on the honeymoon. I am dog sitting Renee's and
David's dog can sing. This dog is so cute, he has ne laughing when he sings for me. Wish Renee would make a film of it. Love Yvonne

La Petite Gallery said...

After the Nov 1 Blizzard, we are still cleaning up. 4 days with no power. Thank goodness I had a generator. Had a neighbor come stay, she was freezing,
no heat or water. Love the way you
tell a story.
yvonne